Should all parents be required to attend a parenting course before they can claim child benefit?

We’ve all heard the expression, “You need a licence to have a dog but any fool can have a baby.”

Now, admittedly I am one of those fools and I have had 4 babies so I’m glad they haven’t brought in that law because if they did my kids would be off to the pound probably with half the kids in the country. 

The funny thing is, no one really knows how good or bad a parent is going to be until they experience the unconditional love and sense of duty to nurture, protect and provide for their helpless innocent miracle. With one fleeting glance, of bewilderment, confusion and fear, which accompanies their first breath as they arrive in this crazy world, our babies place all their trust in Mum and Dad. If they could speak they would probably say I’m scared, I chose you to me my mum and Dad so will you mind me? So deciding who should be awarded a licence to raise a child is of course a ridiculous notion and I have seen some of the most unlikely people become some of the most amazing parents in every way.

But the problem is that when an infant looks at you for the first time with those trusting eyes, the fear hits you like a bad dose of the flu. You feel sick, nauseous and scared as you realise you now have a huge responsibility towards this new precious gift and it occurs to you that you know absolutely nothing about being a parent. Many of us spend our lives doing training courses or go to college so we can become better equipped to get a job and make our mark on the world but as I reflect on my preparations and training to make it in the big bad world it strikes me that I never once attend a single training course to prepare me for the most important job I would ever have, the job of being a good parent.

Is this not totally irresponsible on my part to not get some professional advice from an experienced parent to remind me and advice me on my duties towards my children. How am I supposed to know what to do in the infinite number of instances where I have to act in a logical, calm and considered manor to ensure not only the safety but also the emotional development,  confidence and happiness of mf my child.  How do I influence them to have good character a strong moral compass and develop and build on their natural talents and not push them down a life path they are not genetically, physically and mentally wired to cope with. On my part I am lucky that my kids have an extraordinary mum who happens to be very in tune with their development needs and has an extraordinary intuition in understanding what the need and how to communicate with them. Luckily for me this leaves me in a position to be a fun dad while she keeps me and the kids in check. But of course no one is perfect and still, as parents doing our best, get it wrong lots of the time.

But what about the mums and dads who have the ability and desire to be the best parents in the world but simply have not acquired the skills or training to be a confident parent? What about the Mum’s and Dad’s who establish their parenting approach based on their own experience as a kid when it was common for kids to be seen and not heard, given a good hiding for being bold, never listened to and to be put in a corner for being lazy and stupid when in fact they had a learning difficulty.

So why am I writing about all this? Well as you know I want the world to be a better place and want every child to have a wonderful loving childhood that nurtures confidence and filled with adventure and happiness and laughter. With this in mind I am going to suggest something and would like your opinion on it. In Ireland we have a government payment to parents called children’s allowance. It is available to every child under the age of 18 and works out at about €120 per month. My idea is that before you can avail of this payment every parent must attend a mandatory recognised parenting course when their child is born again at age 5, 8 and 13 years of age. The cost of funding such a course would come out of the first month’s children’s allowance payment so parents will never notice it gone as the payment starts one month later. The benefits are of course huge and God knows I could do with a few parenting courses myself. Jobs would be created as the courses would have to be delivered. All very simple and everyone is a winner especially the kids. So before I go off writing to the minister for children hopefully you can leave some comments on Facebook and this blog that will give me a bit of confidence and encouragement to try and make it happen.  

I’ll keep you posted of any developments.

Hugs to everyone!

Benji

Every Child Deserves To...

Before I start my blog I just want to say sorry it has been a while since my last blog as over the past 2 weeks I was away in London promoting and at present Jackie is away leaving me home alone with 3 nutty kids and no instructions, but at least were having fun. So on to this week’s Blog with a nice video below.  

 

On my recent travel to London a bone of contention has raised its head that I feel the need to address. When I'm promoting at big events lots of different people of all walks of life pass me by and over the years have come to realise that everyone has their story, their pain and their worries. I often engage in wonderful conversations with so many of them that always have such a lasting impact on me long after they are gone and that keep me grateful for the things I have. 

During these events lots of young mums and dads, with their babies, pass by and I invite them to have a look at the books and as I dote on their very cute babies they thankfully complement my books with many of them buying and others politely moving on. Of course there are some parents who don’t come over as they are rushing to change a nappy or get the next feed in. I've been in that situation enough times with my own kids so know when not, to go waving books in their face.

So what's the problem? Well, so far there is no problem, but then comes the parents that quite simple make my blood boil make, me bite my lip until it is practically bleedingand make me want to shake some sense into them. My problem is with the parents I invite to have a look at the books who then tell me that their kids are either too young, can’t read or practically take a trip around the moon avoid coming near my stand in case they might have to buy a book that doesn’t read itself, paint their nails and babysit their kids. This video is proof that they are never too young for a book.

Now, I know I am overly passionate and emotional about my books and the message they contain as they are so deeply inspired by Adam, but being honest, it kills me to think that some parents have no idea of the importance, on so many different levels, of reading to their children. Is it fair to assume that, if they can’t be bothered to read them a bedtime story, they also couldn’t be bothered to bring them for a walk in a park, play with them, colour with them, talk to them, guide and encourage them, instil confidence in them, just do their best for them or just tell them they love them?

So, No Matter What…

Every child deserves to be hugged and cuddled. Every child deserves to have their imagination ignited with words and adventures. Every child deserves to have 10 minutes dedicated to them by their parents at the end of the day. Every child deserves to have confidence instilled in them through reading, conversation and praise. Every child deserves not be shoved in front of the television all day long. Every child deserves to have fun, play and make noise without fear. Every child deserves to be allowed to be a child. Every child deserves to learn. Every child deserves to be loved. Every child deserves to be happy and every child deserves to have parents that care and do their best for them.

 

This is the essence of Adam’s Message and this is what I am trying to promote

Thank for your visit this week and helping me spread Adam’s Message.

Lots of love hugs and kisses

Benji

Happiness! It's right in front of us

A Poem for Valentine's Day

 

 

 

Valentines, that special day, can cause a lot of stress

Will she like my present and will he like my dress?

How does someone show their love for the person they adore

Is it gifts and dinners and perfume by Dior?
 

 Well that’s all fine and easily done and most of the time is lots of fun

But head my warning everyone this romantic gesture is easily undone.

It's a poem to read with brekkie in bed, a gentle heart to rest your head

Coming home early to give your love an hour alone to rest in bed
 

 

To play with the kids like never before giving your love a break to adore

Not playing with your phone checking the score or complaining that your finger is sore

It’s making your valentine feel noticed each day and not for one night when you’re out on display

So dinner a perfume alone won't work to show your love on Valentine's Day

No one is perfect so when the effort is made weather you like it or not don't be dismayed
 

Just enjoy the moment for what it is and relish in the attention that you are being paid.

Happy Valentines day

lots of Love hugs and kisses to all my wonderful friends on Facebook

Benji

My Story, My Journey in My Words

My Story In My Own Words

Published Irish independent Nov 2014

Benji Bennett

As I ponder on the publication of a 7^th book, the 5^th to be nominated for the Irish Book Awards I find myself in a fortunate position to have been blessed with life’s most precious gift, family love. Being blessed with 4 wonderful children Adam, Harry, Robbie and Molly I am also incredibly lucky to be married to Jackie, a most extraordinary woman who has helped me to realize that, love laughter and fun in the family, is the most powerful, dependable, and enduring force that protects the Human spirit from obliteration when faced with adversity, fear, pain and loss.

However, acquiring this feeling of gratitude and contentment has been hard fought and seemed an impossible dream 6 years ago. It was then that our world imploded on itself when Adam, our 4 year old beautiful golden-haired, brown eyed, giddy giggler was lost to us within hours of taking ill with an undiagnosed brain tumor.  As dawn approached on, a balmy August morning, tranquility and peace transcended the intensive care unit where Adam lay still for so many hours and Jackie and I lay beside Adam cherishing what we knew to be out final moments with him. Just as Adam had arrived into the world with a ray of morning sunshine kissing his newborn head so too had he left us at dawn in loving silence surrounded by adoring parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents. In a puff he was gone to his cloud.

Shock, disbelief and denial were followed by desperate attempts to wake myself up from a relentless and enduring nightmare from which there was no escape. Squirming, clutching my stomach in a feeble attempt to ease my gut wrenching pain I begged for relief as I sat broken, in all regard, on the couch in my sisters house. Life was over, there was no air, the simple act of drawing a breath became, panicked, claustrophobic and at times seemed pointless.

Then out of nowhere came a moment, a simple moment of hope, where I took a breath and realized it happened all by itself. This simple act of being able to take a breath without consideration or being accompanied by an entire respiratory system spasm you would usually associate with a child recovering from the trauma of losing their favorite toy was a welcome relief from an incessant battering of my mind, body, spirit and soul. As each day, week and month went by these moments became more frequent and endured for longer. Like a tide covering the sand on the shore, so to, did these unexplained moments of relief cover my pain even if only for a brief moment.

As time progressed this new tide of tranquility, to which I had become so dependent, seemed to come and go without fuss like small waves lapping gently upon the shore on a humid summer’s morning. This would become a new friend who would gently come to ease my pain and peacefully tend to my deep wounds that were showing signs of beginning to heal.

With Jackie’s strength, love and outlook on life and the responsibility to save the magic of Harrys childhood and his incredible strength I Know something had to be done to save what we had rebuild our lives in an attempt to create a life without Adam.

It is only now as I reflect on my journey that that I realize that there was a commanding driving force powering this emotional tide that gave me moments of peace. The epicenter of this force was of course Adam’s Message of love laughter and play in the family. But without the love, strength and support of my most courageous wife, Jackie, the prospect of a new life with a baby on the way and my responsibility, as a dad, to Harry, the bravest one who had lost his best friend I would never have had the will to get up in the morning, let alone embark on a crusade to immortalize Adam and deliver his message.

As my confidence began to grow so too did my passion and armed with a simple message to encourage parents to have more fun with their kids, create magical moments and constantly tell them they are loved my first book was conceived. Safely backed up on crumpled pieces of paper that were constantly stuffed in my pocket I shared my various drafts and updates with anyone who cared to listen. As I showed my scraps of paper concerned looking family and friends the reaction naturally enough was very positive. In fairness who was going to tell me that my book was a pile of dribble when they were confronted by a person who had a sorry excuse for a scruffy beard, wore his jumper inside out and back to front and looked like they were going to burst into tears if you simply asked them if they wanted a cup of tea. Yes a very positive reaction indeed.

Then came the idea of publishing the book myself and that’s when my family began to worry about my sanity. Mad as it would seem there was no plan expectations or rational to my project.

Guided by his simple message and philosophy every decision and action taken was driven by a burning ambition to write and publish a book in memory of Adam that would be filled with everything beautiful, innocent and fun about him in the hope that parents would share in his magic. The prospect of a parent snuggled up under the duvet and expressing their affection for their children would prove to be a wonderful legacy for Adam and something to get me concentrate on.

As Jackie discovered we were to have a another baby on the day we collected Adams Ashes we knew there’re was a very clear sign that he would take care of us and would guide us to do the right thing. T 

After a frustrating and fruitless search for an illustrator I happened to catch a glimpse of a colorful book in a shop window and written on the front were the words Illustrated by Cartoon Saloon. With a weakness of remembering things at the best of times I thought it an easy name to remember and got in touch with them that same afternoon. After preparing a very long brief a then unsuspecting Roxanne was appointed illustrator without knowing anything about Adam. As the brief hit her desk se immediately felt the magic and wonder of Adam and his message and became emotionally engaged with Adam and his message.

As the draft illustrations began to arrive in my emotions, as well as Jackie’s, began to get out of control. To see new images of Adam coming to life through the illustrations and having so much fun brought on powerful waves of emotions that were uncontrollable. In a strange way the tears were not as painful as the ones I had become accustomed but were instead wonderfully soothing, calming and sprinkled with sense of happiness. As the illustrations came in our need to get updates more frequently intensified and reached an addictive frenzy until Roxanne had completed them all.

Now all the production work done the next decision was how many books to print. This is the point where ignorance is bliss I hadn’t a clue so to keep my unit costs down I printed 10,000 copies. Considering only 350 copies sold in one week can potentially see your book hit number the quantity I printed just seemed to be, and I’ll put it mildly absolutely off the scale insane. I had no PR no Publisher and no one knew who I was. The commercial business case was even worse than Anglo’s. It seemed inevitable that every member of my family would have to buy 500 copies each and stuff them in the toilet under the stairs. In an odd way I never had any doubts that the book would sell as Adam was on side and after 3 key interviews on Ireland AM, Ryan Tubridy and the Irish independent word got out and people began to buy Before you Sleep and enjoyed the experience of reading it to their kids who loved being told they were loved in a book. Within 6 weeks I was back to the printer for the second print run and sales have kept growing ever since.

 

The following April 9 months after it first appeared Before you Sleep won book of the year at the Irish book awards in the company of mu family to astonishment and amazement. As my name was called my immediate thought was towards Adam and the excitement of winning was somewhat dampened as I was quickly ushered up to accept my award and make a speech. But all I wanted to do was crawl under the table and scream Adams name and tell him I did it all for him. Even though I received a standing ovation from a room of highly acclaimed writers and professionals I still feel a little bit cheated that I could not have had a longer moment under that table with Adam After all here picked me to be his dad on the day he was born to deliver his message.

Adam you’re a good boy and we all love you very much and thank you for the gift of your message and your stories.

This year marks Benji’s 5^th nomination for the Irish book awards for his new book When you were Born which is also available in selected Dunnes Stores as well as bookshops nationwide. PS We Wo

n!

A Thought on New Year's Eve

A Thought on New Year’s Eve!

 

As we look back at the year that has gone we remember the hard times, the things we did not get done, the things we worried about, the things we wanted but did not get. So my thought for the New Year is to close your eyes draw a smile on your face and Remember...se your eyes draw a smile on your face and remember…
the chats, the smiles, the laughter, the tears of joy, the fun, the emotions, the little looks you received from innocent eyes, the magical sounds, the walks, the smells, the sights, the tastes, the music, the hugs, the cuddles, the giggles, the thrills, the little things that make a big difference, the loving touch of a hand, the softness of a kiss, the lazy day’s of sweet nothings, the warmth of an embrace, The smiles, the gift of giving, those random acts of kindness you gave and received, the jokes, the silly times, the acting the fool times and most of all, every moment we did something… that made us feel good.
These are just some of the wonders that life has to offer, require no money, are worry free and make our hearts dance. So as you plan your new year’s resolutions, keep it simple and just keep doing more of what MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD about yourself and your family and don’t worry about the other stuff it is nothing more than a distraction.
With “Benji’s Bucket List” for fun and happiness in 2014 coming soon, I wish you all a year filled with positivity and magical moments with your family to remember forever.
Till next year, all my love to the best Facebook fans on the planet.

The chats, the smiles, the laughter, the tears of joy, the fun, the emotions, the little looks you received from innocent eyes, the magical sounds, the walks, the smells, the sights, the tastes, the music, the hugs, the cuddles, the giggles, the thrills, the little things that make a big difference, the loving touch of a hand, the softness of a kiss, the lazy day’s of sweet nothings, the warmth of an embrace, The smiles, the gift of giving, those random acts of kindness you gave and received, the jokes, the silly times, the acting the fool times and most of all, every moment we did something… that made us feel good.
These are just some of the wonders that life has to offer, require no money, are worry free and make our hearts dance. So as you plan your new year’s resolutions, keep it simple and just keep doing more of what MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD about yourself and your family and don’t worry about the other stuff it is nothing more than a distraction.

 With “Benji’s Bucket List” for fun and happiness in 2014 coming soon, I wish you all a year filled with positivity and magical moments with your family to remember forever.

Happy New Year
 Benji