Should all parents be required to attend a parenting course before they can claim child benefit?

We’ve all heard the expression, “You need a licence to have a dog but any fool can have a baby.”

Now, admittedly I am one of those fools and I have had 4 babies so I’m glad they haven’t brought in that law because if they did my kids would be off to the pound probably with half the kids in the country. 

The funny thing is, no one really knows how good or bad a parent is going to be until they experience the unconditional love and sense of duty to nurture, protect and provide for their helpless innocent miracle. With one fleeting glance, of bewilderment, confusion and fear, which accompanies their first breath as they arrive in this crazy world, our babies place all their trust in Mum and Dad. If they could speak they would probably say I’m scared, I chose you to me my mum and Dad so will you mind me? So deciding who should be awarded a licence to raise a child is of course a ridiculous notion and I have seen some of the most unlikely people become some of the most amazing parents in every way.

But the problem is that when an infant looks at you for the first time with those trusting eyes, the fear hits you like a bad dose of the flu. You feel sick, nauseous and scared as you realise you now have a huge responsibility towards this new precious gift and it occurs to you that you know absolutely nothing about being a parent. Many of us spend our lives doing training courses or go to college so we can become better equipped to get a job and make our mark on the world but as I reflect on my preparations and training to make it in the big bad world it strikes me that I never once attend a single training course to prepare me for the most important job I would ever have, the job of being a good parent.

Is this not totally irresponsible on my part to not get some professional advice from an experienced parent to remind me and advice me on my duties towards my children. How am I supposed to know what to do in the infinite number of instances where I have to act in a logical, calm and considered manor to ensure not only the safety but also the emotional development,  confidence and happiness of mf my child.  How do I influence them to have good character a strong moral compass and develop and build on their natural talents and not push them down a life path they are not genetically, physically and mentally wired to cope with. On my part I am lucky that my kids have an extraordinary mum who happens to be very in tune with their development needs and has an extraordinary intuition in understanding what the need and how to communicate with them. Luckily for me this leaves me in a position to be a fun dad while she keeps me and the kids in check. But of course no one is perfect and still, as parents doing our best, get it wrong lots of the time.

But what about the mums and dads who have the ability and desire to be the best parents in the world but simply have not acquired the skills or training to be a confident parent? What about the Mum’s and Dad’s who establish their parenting approach based on their own experience as a kid when it was common for kids to be seen and not heard, given a good hiding for being bold, never listened to and to be put in a corner for being lazy and stupid when in fact they had a learning difficulty.

So why am I writing about all this? Well as you know I want the world to be a better place and want every child to have a wonderful loving childhood that nurtures confidence and filled with adventure and happiness and laughter. With this in mind I am going to suggest something and would like your opinion on it. In Ireland we have a government payment to parents called children’s allowance. It is available to every child under the age of 18 and works out at about €120 per month. My idea is that before you can avail of this payment every parent must attend a mandatory recognised parenting course when their child is born again at age 5, 8 and 13 years of age. The cost of funding such a course would come out of the first month’s children’s allowance payment so parents will never notice it gone as the payment starts one month later. The benefits are of course huge and God knows I could do with a few parenting courses myself. Jobs would be created as the courses would have to be delivered. All very simple and everyone is a winner especially the kids. So before I go off writing to the minister for children hopefully you can leave some comments on Facebook and this blog that will give me a bit of confidence and encouragement to try and make it happen.  

I’ll keep you posted of any developments.

Hugs to everyone!

Benji

They can do it....So Let them!

Look at the mess you made

“Quick Quick!" "Hurry Hurry!" "Come on we're late!" Give it to me I’ll do it. No! you'll hurt yourself. Be careful I’ve just cleaned up. I’ll do it you will only spill it. No! you’ll make a mess.  Don’t do that. Stop shouting. Stop running around you’ll break something. Be quiet your making too much noise. Look at the mess you’ve made. Now look what you made me do!   

Be Careful

 Sounds Familiar? Of course it does, we are parents, it’s what we do best and god knows I’m probably world champion at barking at the kids.

Don't Fall

Looking at these sentences written down on a page I'm shocked to realize that they are not the words of a loving parent but rather like the negative ranting of a controlling, bossy school yard bully who blames everyone else for what is going wrong. And the scary thing is this is what the kids hear which is not good for their confidence of self-esteem or my relationship with them.

Who is going to clean your Clothes

The problem is, that as parents we are so busy buzzing round trying to keep the cosmos in its fragile state of equilibrium while doing our best to raise a bunch of nutty kids. So in a futile effort to make time to visit the loo it is often easier and quicker for us to do “EVERYTHING” for our kids to try and keep one step ahead. As quick as we can we set the table, make their breakfast, make their lunch, get their clothes, probably help them dress, tidy their room, pick up their clothes, clean up after them, put away their toys, wash the dishes, sweep the floor the list goes on and on. God knows I do my fair share and while we are all doing this the kids are probably sitting  on their cute little bottoms scrapping over who’s go it is on the Wii or what TV show they want to watch.

This Dinner is going to be yum

Great Work Robbie that's very good

So here are my thoughts on the subject. Firstly kids are kids and need to do what kids do. They need to play, explore, get excited, shout and scream and run around, climb things fall off them, bang their knee and climb back up again, they need to bake things, make things and break things. All these activities and behaviors gel together into what we all like to call “Learning”. So as parents we need to nurture and embrace this behavior but also channel all this energy into constructive learning. I don’t think we give kids enough credit for their intelligence, ability and desire to do things for themselves so from a very early age it is important to encourage kids to have lots of fun and play but also to do thing for themselves.

Nice Work Guys

Great job Setting the Table Molly

So as well as doing all the fun stuff there is no reason why the kids can’t do the boring stuff as well. So next time when your slaving away in the house encourage the kids to come and help. Have a chat with them while they are helping, tell them how great they are, make some chores their entire responsibility each day and most of all make it fun. For Example we encourage Molly to set the table and when she really gets into it she sets a place for Adam and places a picture of Adam, a candle and a little angel on the table which is really lovely and we all have a lovely dinner time. This fun way of delegating  household chores not only enhances your own relationship with your kids as you both communicate while working but it also helps build independence confidence and self esteem a strong work ethic and ability to figure things out for themselves and after all it is better than leaving them in another room watching TV.

The garden will look great when the grass grows

Of course it’s not always plain sailing all the time, there will always be resistance, crankiness and tiredness so there are no hard and fast rules. So don’t end up having a row just try and encourage them to help so they do it willingly and pick your moments and your battles and don’t try this technique when you’re rushing out the door already 10 minutes late for school.

Good luck, be brave and have a great week.

I would love to hear your comments or suggestions so if you have any please add them by clicking the comments button.

To get signed dedicated copies of Adam's Adventure book visit www.adamscloud.com

Every Child Deserves To...

Before I start my blog I just want to say sorry it has been a while since my last blog as over the past 2 weeks I was away in London promoting and at present Jackie is away leaving me home alone with 3 nutty kids and no instructions, but at least were having fun. So on to this week’s Blog with a nice video below.  

 

On my recent travel to London a bone of contention has raised its head that I feel the need to address. When I'm promoting at big events lots of different people of all walks of life pass me by and over the years have come to realise that everyone has their story, their pain and their worries. I often engage in wonderful conversations with so many of them that always have such a lasting impact on me long after they are gone and that keep me grateful for the things I have. 

During these events lots of young mums and dads, with their babies, pass by and I invite them to have a look at the books and as I dote on their very cute babies they thankfully complement my books with many of them buying and others politely moving on. Of course there are some parents who don’t come over as they are rushing to change a nappy or get the next feed in. I've been in that situation enough times with my own kids so know when not, to go waving books in their face.

So what's the problem? Well, so far there is no problem, but then comes the parents that quite simple make my blood boil make, me bite my lip until it is practically bleedingand make me want to shake some sense into them. My problem is with the parents I invite to have a look at the books who then tell me that their kids are either too young, can’t read or practically take a trip around the moon avoid coming near my stand in case they might have to buy a book that doesn’t read itself, paint their nails and babysit their kids. This video is proof that they are never too young for a book.

Now, I know I am overly passionate and emotional about my books and the message they contain as they are so deeply inspired by Adam, but being honest, it kills me to think that some parents have no idea of the importance, on so many different levels, of reading to their children. Is it fair to assume that, if they can’t be bothered to read them a bedtime story, they also couldn’t be bothered to bring them for a walk in a park, play with them, colour with them, talk to them, guide and encourage them, instil confidence in them, just do their best for them or just tell them they love them?

So, No Matter What…

Every child deserves to be hugged and cuddled. Every child deserves to have their imagination ignited with words and adventures. Every child deserves to have 10 minutes dedicated to them by their parents at the end of the day. Every child deserves to have confidence instilled in them through reading, conversation and praise. Every child deserves not be shoved in front of the television all day long. Every child deserves to have fun, play and make noise without fear. Every child deserves to be allowed to be a child. Every child deserves to learn. Every child deserves to be loved. Every child deserves to be happy and every child deserves to have parents that care and do their best for them.

 

This is the essence of Adam’s Message and this is what I am trying to promote

Thank for your visit this week and helping me spread Adam’s Message.

Lots of love hugs and kisses

Benji

Answering the "Big Question" at Bed Time

 

Here's the answer to a question you might want to share with someone you know...      
Last night while lying in his bed, Robbie, who usually goes asleep no bother after reading his books, gets thinking about the future and about Mum and dad getting older. He then reaches the worrying conclusion that when he grows older mum and dad won’t be around forever. With a little whimper he calls out from his room, “DaaaAAaad”, and up I go to see what is bothering him. Quietly and sadly he says that he can’t sleep as he is worried that when he grows up I might die and he is sad and worried. “Robbie,” I said, “you don’t have to be sad or worried because the way the world works is that when you are small I need to be with you all the time so we can have loads of fun and for me to teach you things, help you learn to play football, bring you to school, take you on holidays and give you lots of hugs and kisses. But when boys and girls grow up their Mum’s and Dad’s work is done on earth so we have to go to heaven to mind you when you are older and make sure you are always happy when you have your own children. So the reason people die and go to heaven is to make sure everyone still here can be minded and are always happy.” “Oh!” says Robbie, “I didn’t know that. So when you die I just can’t see you but you will still be there to make sure I’m happy”? “Yes Robbie, that’s it, now you go asleep and I’ll take you to school in the morning.” “Thanks Dad.” Night Night!” Just as Robbie was about reach out for a good night kiss and hug one last thought popped into his head. “Dad, do you know what else happens when you die.” “What’s that Robbie?” I replied, “When you die you will be happy as well because you will see Adam and Adam will be happy because he will see you, so everyone will be happy not just me.” “Robbie, you’re such a good boy, yes when people go to heaven everyone is happy”….. Phew! I think I handled that one OK. Benji www.adamscloud.com